Sex is the most basic of acts for human beings. It's an instinct we all are born with. Yet this is often the one topic that people do not feel comfortable talking about, don’t honestly discuss with their partners, family, friends and unfortunately do not talk about with professionals. Talking about sex is a taboo in so many cultures and people are often left to learn about sex through trial and error, internet platforms or from peers. Searching internet platforms, mis-guided peer-group conversations and often over the counter remedies should not be the go-to place, but unfortunately this is the reality.

Unaddressed wants, needs, desires and challenges (discomfort, concerns) can lead to various psychological distress in people such as anxiety, depression, various sexual disorders as well as other underlying physical problems.

Too many people are left feeling “broken” when they experience challenges regarding their sexual performance and discomfort.  They are left feeling not good enough and alone.  There is a stigma around sexual disorders.  In the mind of society if you are experiencing any form of sexual “dysfunction” or “disorder” you are less of a man or women, and that is far from the truth.

It is time to break the stigma about talking about sex and expressing sexual desires / and sexual disorders.  Too many individuals are not getting the correct and healthy information and are left with relationships failing apart and living in unnecessary physical and mental discomfort and pain.

This needs to stop! – We have a responsibility to break the Stigma.

Stigma hinders access to appropriate and professional medical and psychological treatment, and can result in a person’s condition (mental and physical) worsening.

It is time for us as professionals to take action to break the stigma around sex and sexual disorders. 

We have the knowledge, skills, treatments and platform to “heal” so many individuals and relationships.

How do we break down the stigma?

• Become a sex friendly practice.
• Ask about sex and sexual concerns – a questionnaire that gets completed before hand can open the conversation and save time.
• Talk in a non-judgemental way about sex.
• Normalize sex and sexual experiences. – especially if you know that some other medical conditions or treatments could negatively impact a person’s sexual expression.

Recognizing Sexual Disorders:

The four major categories of sexual dysfunctions include disorders such as:

• Desire disorders: lack of sexual desire or interest in sex.
• Arousal disorders: inability to become physically aroused or excited during sexual activity.
• Orgasm disorders: delay or absence of orgasm (climax).
• Pain disorders: pain during intercourse.

Treating Sexual Disorders and or concerns:

Sexual problems may be classified as physiological, psychological, and social in origin. Any given problem may involve all three categories. A physiological problem, for example, will produce psychological effects, and these may result in some social maladjustment.

A multi-dimensional and professional approach is the most effective - Bio-Psycho-Social approach. 

• BIO = Biology
• Psycho = Psychology
• Social = Sociology

A Case Study following the Bio-Psycho-Social approach:

(Fictional names have been used in the case study)

Frank and Mary had been married for 6 years, have 2 children (Mary had 1 child from a previous marriage and together they have 1 child).  Frank was also married before and his ex-wife died by suicide. Mary made an appointment with me (Psycho-Sexologist) for them as a couple as she needs help to address her low sexual desire. Their sexual relationship was satisfactory until a year ago when Frank developed Erectile Dysfunction. He had a fall-out with his father and most of his childhood he was never good enough.  Before that, he’d never had a problem.  Frank is most of the time able to get an erection with an injection, but even with the injection he sometimes struggles. Irrespective of his own performance challenges he is obsessed with sex and most of the times feels satisfied when Mary reaches an orgasm – with his help, either orally or manually.  His erectile dysfunction is leaving him frustrated and with feeling that he is less of a man. By his own admittance that the more he struggles with getting and erection, the more obsessed he is with sex.  Mary feels frustrated by his obsession and that sex one time a day is enough for her, but he wants it more.   Frank also started taking anti-depressants after the breakdown in relationship with his father.

Treatment plan and approach:

• Bio = Biology:
  • Frank’s: Erectile Dysfunction: The fact that Frank was able to have spontaneous erections before and that it only started after the trauma with his father and since taking anti-depressants indicates that we are dealing with secondary erectile dysfunction. The most likely cause being not a physiological problem although it presents as one.  The impact of the anti-depressants also needs to be explored.  An appointment with a medical practitioner, medical examination and medication adjustment allowed Frank and Mary to have a better understanding and contributed to a supportive and empowered approach.  
• Psycho = Psychology:
  • Mary’s Desire Disorder: It was established that Mary in actual fact does not have a sexual desire disorder, but rather the presence of a sexual desire disparity along with a strong need for an approach where her needs are being taken into account as well (more a “team” approach than the feeling of an “object” approach)
  • Frank’s Erectile Dysfunction: Time was spent on addressing the underlying psychological frustrations around the erectile dysfunction as well as the pain (father emasculated him during the fallout incident and it turned out that Frank had been emasculated from childhood).
• Social = Sociology:
  • Couple counselling / Marriage counselling was a helpful process to assist the couple to develop better understanding for one another and were equipped with practical tools on how to support one another.
• Outcome: Frank and Mary’s relationship is “healthier” on all levels (physical and psychological). Frank’s depression has improved and he is starting to regain his erection without assistance. Mary is more open to sexual advances without resentment. 

  Conclusion:

There are so many Frank’s and Mary’s out there that need us as professionals to break the stigma around sexual disorders and dysfunctions. 

We have an ethical and social responsibility to:

• stop the silent suffering and
• prevent mental, sexual and physical disorders as far as possible

People need to know that

• they are not broken,
• they are not the only ones (alone) and
• that there is help!

Article was Published in The South African Depression and Anxiety Group Publication: Volume 10; Issue 2 in 2023

Written by: Christa Coetzee

Leadership isn’t defined by title, technical skill, or even strategy. It’s defined by presence. And the quality of a leader’s presence especially in moments of stress, conflict, or uncertainty is shaped by one core capability: emotional intelligence.

Often underestimated and misunderstood, emotional intelligence (EQ) is the single most overlooked leadership advantage in the modern workplace. It's not about being emotional. It's about being aware. Aware of your own internal state, the emotional climate of your team, and the impact your communication has even when you say nothing at all.

For high performing professional leaders, executives, and multicultural teams navigating fast-changing environments, EQ is the key to psychological safety, retention, trust, and real collaboration.

What Is Emotional Intelligence and Why Does It Matter?

Emotional intelligence, as defined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, consists of five key components:

• Self-awareness – knowing your emotions and how they affect others
• Self-regulation – managing impulses and reactions
• Motivation – harnessing emotions to pursue goals
• Empathy – understanding others' emotional realities
• Social skill – managing relationships with intentionality

While many leadership programs focus on skills like strategic planning or time management, studies show that emotional intelligence accounts for nearly 90% of what sets high performers apart from their peers (Goleman, 1998). More recent data from TalentSmart confirms this, noting that EQ is the strongest predictor of performance across industries and roles.

Despite this, EQ is still seen by some leaders as a “soft” skill useful but not essential. This belief is not only outdated it’s costly.

The Hidden Cost of Low EQ in Leadership

Low emotional intelligence doesn’t always show up as explosive behaviour. In fact, the signs are often subtle:

• Passive-aggressive team dynamics
• High turnover without clear reasons
• Disengagement during conflict
• Fear of feedback or innovation

When leaders are emotionally unaware, teams become emotionally unsafe. When emotionally intelligent leadership is absent, people start protecting themselves instead of the mission.
They withdraw. They withhold ideas. They leave quietly.

In my years of working as a Psychologist in South Africa, I’ve seen how EQ gaps manifest in high-stakes environments. One executive, praised for her results, had unknowingly created a culture of fear because she lacked awareness of her tone. A startup team, full of innovation, kept cycling through interpersonal breakdowns because they had never been taught to regulate emotional friction.

These are not performance problems. They are relational intelligence problems.

Developing Your Untapped EQ Advantage

Whether you’re a team lead, HR partner, or executive, your emotional intelligence is not fixed it’s trainable.

Start here:

1. Audit your emotional climate: What do people feel when you walk into a room? Ask for feedback that reflects emotional experience, not just results.
2. Name your leadership patterns under pressure: Do you shut down? Over-communicate? Over-function? Awareness leads to regulation.
3. Model emotion-literate leadership: Normalize statements like “I felt frustrated in that meeting, and I want to explore that” or “I noticed tension when we discussed X let’s unpack it.”

These may feel uncomfortable at first. That’s normal. Emotional maturity isn’t the absence of discomfort. It’s the ability to hold it with clarity and care.

EQ Is Not a Gendered or Soft Skill it’s Strategic

Too often, emotional intelligence is associated with gendered expectations softness, empathy, intuition and therefore dismissed in male-dominated industries as secondary.

But EQ isn’t softness. It’s strength under pressure. It’s clarity during chaos. It’s the capacity to respond instead of react.

And in today’s workforce diverse, dynamic, distributed emotionally intelligent leadership is the competitive edge.

In my role as a Relationship and Intimacy Coach I’ve supported high-achieving individuals in translating relational patterns from their personal lives into insight about how they lead. How you do connection is how you do leadership.

When emotional intelligence becomes embodied not just understood you shift from managing people to inspiring them.

Ready to Lead With Emotional Intelligence?

If you’re ready to discover your EQ strengths and blind spots, start here:

✔ Book a discovery consultation for 1:1 coaching or team training
✔ Connect with Christa on LinkedIn for weekly insights:

In 1976, the streets of Soweto echoed with the voices of thousands of courageous students who took a stand against a system that tried to silence them. Youth Day in South Africa is not just a historical marker it's a lasting symbol of the power of voice, the cost of silence, and the deep psychological impact of being unheard.

Nearly 50 years later, the lesson remains painfully relevant. While the context has shifted from classrooms to boardrooms, the core issue persists: people are still being silenced. In many corporate environments, employees feel unsafe to speak up, share ideas, or challenge norms. This is not just a cultural problem it's a psychological one.

The Emotional Blueprint of Safety

Psychological safety refers to a workplace culture where people feel safe to take interpersonal risks. That means being able to admit mistakes, ask questions, raise concerns, or offer feedback without fear of humiliation or retaliation. It's the foundation for emotional intelligence, collaborative innovation, and trust within teams.

But here's the catch: psychological safety isn't created by policies or slogans. It's cultivated through lived behaviour, emotional insight, and leadership that listens. It is especially vital in multicultural, high-performance environments like those across South Africa, where layered identities, histories, and power dynamics are always at play.

The Legacy of Silencing

The events of June 16, 1976, were sparked by a top-down decision that ignored the lived reality of Black students. They were told what language to learn in, what knowledge mattered, and whose voice held authority. The uprising was a visceral response to systemic erasure.

In today's workplaces, the silencing is more subtle but just as damaging. It looks like:

• Meetings where only a few voices dominate
• Junior team members afraid to challenge a senior's opinion
• High-performing women second-guessing themselves before speaking
• Cultural microaggressions that go unaddressed

This silent tension eats away at trust, morale, and creativity. Teams underperform not because they lack talent, but because they lack safety.

The Corporate Cost of Being Unheard

Research from Google’s Project Aristotle, Deloitte, and Harvard Business Review continues to show the same thing: psychological safety is the top predictor of high-performing teams. Without it, even the most skilled individuals hesitate to contribute fully.

In a South African context, where team diversity is both a strength and a challenge, the absence of emotional safety can easily lead to:

• Miscommunication rooted in cultural assumptions
• Fear-based compliance rather than creative risk-taking
• High turnover among talent who feel unseen or misunderstood

When people don’t feel safe, they self-protect. They shrink, they retreat, they conform. And the organization suffers.

Leadership Through Listening

So what does this mean for modern leaders, especially in HR, executive roles, or team management?

It means we need to develop the kind of leadership that centres emotional intelligence. A psychologically safe environment isn’t "soft" or permissive. It’s deeply intentional. It requires:

• Modelling vulnerability
• Responding non-defensively to feedback
• Encouraging dissent without punishment
• Naming power dynamics openly

These are not just behaviours. They are emotional competencies. And they can be learned.

Action Steps for Building Psychological Safety

For companies committed to honouring the legacy of Youth Day in a meaningful way, here are a few starting points:

1. Audit the current culture: Use anonymous surveys to gauge how safe your team feels to speak up.
2. Train for emotional intelligence: Invest in workshops that focus on EQ, communication, and psychological dynamics.
3. Practice inclusive facilitation: Ensure meetings make space for all voices, not just the loudest or most senior.
4. Reward courage, not compliance: Recognize team members who challenge groupthink or raise critical questions.
5. Build reflective leadership habits: Regular self-awareness check-ins and feedback loops for team leaders.

From 1976 to Today: Carrying the Torch Forward

Youth Day is a reminder that silence has a cost. It cost lives. It cost generations. And in today’s workplace, it still costs culture, creativity, and connection.

Honouring that legacy isn’t about performative posts or momentary campaigns. It’s about creating environments where every person regardless of rank, role, or background feels safe to use their voice.

In that safety, courage grows. Ideas grow. Teams grow.

And that’s when real change begins.